Family Violence Awareness and Prevention

November is Family Violence Awareness/Prevention Month. With women and children being the primary victims of family violence I want to share the information I have on the subject in the hopes that it can help someone who needs it. Many women that are in abusive relationships don't even know it or diminish the severity of the situation. They will justify their partners actions or question their own power.
I grew up in a very disfunctional family and know first hand the taught perception of abuse. That certain kinds of abuse aren't abuse. That it's NORMAL.
Unfortunately it is normal, TOO normal.
Family violence includes anything that is psychologically or physically harmful to any member of a family. Family violence or abuse occurs when there is a power imbalance. When a person sees their needs as more relevant or important than anothers. We have to be genuine equals. If we are to be equals we have to treat eachother as such and in order to do that we have to actually, wholleheartedly, believe that our partner IS our equal. It helps tremendously if the man sees women in general this way. Many times a man will promote equality and steam about the injustice to the women in society but at home, in his everyday life, he does not follow this mentality so it can be confusing for others to even understand there could be anything wrong, it could be hard for his partner to realize it.
For example, if a partner does not respect the degree of work his stay at home partner does, and belittles it. When a women is fearful of bringing up money issues because it will result in a fight. When a woman has sex, even when she doesn't want to, because the backlash of hearing "distant" "cold" "you must be getting it from somewhere else" are just more than she can deal with, these are all forms of mental, psychological and physical abuse. It can be very hard to identify abuse if you havn't learnt what to be aware of and so, many women stay in relationships that are unhealthy. They continue to question their rationality, will constantly try to do things that maybe will change things. Will think that if they did this differently than he will be happy. That if they just TRY HARD ENOUGH it will be better. They will think things like "there must be something wrong with me" "I Do nag him sometimes" "He does work hard he deserves a hot meal waiting for him" but she will feel like crap. She will be anxious, usually around him but sometimes just because of him. The effects of abuse are far reaching too. This effects everyday life for the people living with family violence. What do you think happenes to the stress a woman has from the abuse from her spouse? She can't argue or talk to him? The stress has to go somewhere and unfortunatly is that usually the children get the brunt, pets too. Children who witness or hear regular arguing and fighting tend to display learning problems and will continue the intergenerational abuse. Boys see that this is how they gain and maintain power. Girls witness their gender being at a lower status. Both will learn it's okay. Click here to learn more on effects of family violence on children.

 If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow up, chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.
Family violence, like most aweful things are intergenerational. We can stop it but only once we are willing to address it and talk openly about it.

I am always available if anyone needs to talk. You can pm me on fb or email me at brandilaw81@gmail.com. I'm also available for text/call at 780 232 4173. I have some additional info on support groups if wanted as well.

I have added a few helpful/informational links below

http://www.child.alberta.ca/home/834.cfm

Family Violence Prevention Month - Alberta Human Services - Government of Alberta

www.child.alberta.ca

Helpful statistics

http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/crime/infographic-more-us-women-killed-husbands-and-boyfriends-military-combat

Author of some amazing books concerning this topic

http://www.lundybancroft.com/

Signs of Abuse

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Problems associated with children witnessing domestic abuse

http://www.vawnet.org/print-document.php?doc_id=392&find_type=web_desc_AR

Hand washing = your BEST defense against disease

    Do you know that there is a Global Hand washing Day? This year it takes place on October 15, and coincidentally, flu season is almost upon us.  Regardless of whether you and your family decide to receive the flu shot, hand washing is an essential tool to fight against disease.  Now, I could get into why you should get the flu shot, and the misconceptions about the common attitude of "i got the flu shot,but still got sick", but I won't.  Getting or not getting the flu shot is a personal choice, and therefore, i would rather focus on preventing the spread of germs, more specifically viruses.  A little info, there are two different types of germs, bacteria and viruses, most people are scared of bacteria, but in fact, it is viruses that cause way more illnesses and are much easier to spread than bacteria.  Germs can live ANYWHERE, hard surfaces, hands, toys, shopping carts and are spread easily when when we touch something that is contaminated, are sneezed or coughed on or within spreadable reach. Kids, who touch their faces, touch everything and are around others who don't know how to cover their cough yet are especially at risk. I once sat at an Infection Control seminar and was made aware that the majority of us could not sit through an hour without touching our faces, very eye opening. Once we touch our faces, we are allowing these germs to enter our bodies through our eyes, nose, or mouth, so hand washing is essential.  And yes, I am THAT mom who wipes down tables, shopping carts,etc before we eat or I dare put my child into the shopping cart, with a regular wipe, not antibacterial (I'll explain later on), but only because I work in a hospital and have seen and heard some very disgusting and eye widening things, which I will spare you.  My personal belief is that yes, children will get sick, and yes it builds their immunity, but unfortunately, we do not choose what they pick up (keep in mind,there are good and bad germs).  Hand washing or using hand sanitizers are a great thing, and effective only if you know how to do it properly, which is what this blog entry is all about. 
    Firstly, do you know how to use a hand sanitizer? Most people do not, as I was proven once again earlier today at a play date.  Soap and water is best, but it is not always convenient, hence the invention of the hand sanitizer, but keep in mind that most are alcohol based, so keep it out of your young child's reach in case of swallowing, and since it does have alcohol, don't use it all the time,as it kills both good and bad bacteria. In addition, if your hands are visibly soiled or very dirty, soap and water is best.  To use it properly, you must use enough to be able to work into your hands for 15 seconds, so LOTS and LOTS.  Rub it in as if you are washing your hands (described later) because just rubbing your hands together is not effective. And an extra tip, once you apply the sanitizer in your palm, put it away, as it is useless to clean your hands and then touch the dirty bottle afterwards in order to put it away.
    A question I get asked a lot is regular soap or antibacterial?, and my answer is always soap! Too much antibacterial products are out there and most people think well it's antibacterial so it is better, on the contrary, it is not necessary, and using such products actually increases antibiotic resistance and creates super bugs. 
    Now to wash your hands, i know, finally!lol.  here a few steps to follow:
1- Wet your hands under running water
2- Scrub your hands well with soap. Wash your palms, between fingers, backs of hands, thumbs, wrists, fingertips, and nails.  Do this for 20 seconds, or to teach your young ones, have them sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star", a big hit with my son :)
3- Rinse your hands under running water
4- Dry Hands. In public restrooms, use paper towels and then turn off the taps with this paper towel so as not to contaminate your hands again, and then grab a clean paper towel to open the bathroom door...ummm, there are many people who do not even wash their hands after using the toilet. I would then try to throw out that now dirty towel by throwing it into the garbage which is usually by the door anyways as I hold the door open with my back, looks weird, but it works.
If at home and using a cloth towel, I encourage you to change the towel everyday.

    I also encourage hand washing your baby's hands, as we all know how dirty they can get, plus they are always putting things in their mouths and crawling everywhere. And I am by no means suggesting you follow your little crawler around with wipes, but perhaps before eating and after play dates. You can use regular disposable wipes  or if at home,use warm wet cloths, but use three different towels/cloth wipes, one for the soap and water, another for rinsing, and another for drying.  Hand wash throughout the day, and I am sure I do not need to mention when to do so, but here are a few pointers regarding when, that may not have occurred to some. I will usually clean my hands after changing my child's diaper, but have been know to forget to clean his, as many with boys will tell you, they also get right in there when the diaper is off. If your child goes to school or daycare, have them wash their hands when they arrive home, also, after a play date or being at a playground.  Lastly, before and after visiting someone who is sick, you do not want to introduce new germs to someone who is not at optimum health, nor do you want to get sick either.  And with that being said, I know a lot of people cannot help but bring their child to the hospital to visit a loved one, but please, PLEASE, do not let your baby crawl on the floor there, don't even bring their walker so they can practice walking as I have heard some do, in fact, clean their shoes once you leave the hospital, I do not even enter my own house with my work shoes.  I can tell you several disgusting things that I have seen and heard touch the hospital floor and perhaps have not had the chance to be cleaned properly yet.

   Fun ways to teach your child about hand washing will of course depend on your child's age and learning style.  My son personally loves anything with a song, and is more of a hands on learner, he is two by the way.  One idea I saw on the Internet was putting something like brown sugar on your child's hands to represent germs, discuss it, and show them how to wash these germs away. A good sturdy step stool for your child is also a good idea, as they feel like a big person when using it, plus their own fun soap helps.  Other ideas are books about hand washing, other songs besides the twinkle,twinkle song, playing tag as a germ, watching a cartoon video, colouring pages, etc. Here are some links to some of these ideas.  Happy Hand washing!

http://www.kidscoop.com/hand_washing/

http://www.carex.co.uk/activities-for-children/hand-washing-games

http://www.twigglemagazine.com/September-activities/Germs-handwashing-preschool-lesson.html

Or for all of you IPad/IPhone users, you can get the "I hate washing My Hands" app for free, it is very cute,we have it.

Summer Fun in the Sun

     These last couple of summer months have provided us with beautiful and warm, if not hot weather, and has really allowed our group and it's members to enjoy the outdoors with our tots. July focused on everything "Under the Sea", whereas August was all about " Camping and the great outdoors!". 

     One of July's bigger events, featured a backyard "beach party" theme playdate.  So, technically it was not a real beach, but with a good sized backyard, kiddie pools, and some imagination, I think the participants had a great time. The event featured a potluck lunch, in which members used their creativity to come up with some fabulous beach- themed meals and snacks. Such food included crab croissants sandwiches (chicken sandwiches, with cream cheese and black olives for the eyes, and red peppers for claws), flip flop pea butter sandwiches (on graham crackers), octopus hot dogs (on a bed of brown sugar to look like sand, and starfish sprinkles), and much more! The kids played in the pools and enjoyed popping mini water balloons in their hands, loved the squeals as the balloons popped!  Besides the various little playdates among members, there was also a   " Paint and Splash" component to this summer theme. Basically what Paint and Splash entailed was an art project, simple enough for even the tiniest of members, and this would take place at a splash park, a perfect way to wash and cool off during what seemed to be a never- ending heat wave. The first Paint and Splash, we painted precut and yarned seahorses with little homemade sponges, then the adults would assist in glueing on googley eyes, oh so cute!  The second event project involved painting fishes on a long roll of art paper. Here, again we used sponges, that I cut into the shape of fishes, add a bunch of different colors of paint, and voila! The third event, we painted with Kool-aid colored iced cubes, a big hit for painting, and eating....a lot of the kids ended up eating their medium once they were done painting.

     August was also the last month of the Paint and Splash component, as I had to go back to work.  But before my return to the workforce, we gathered one more time to paint with things we would find in nature, or while camping,if you will. We used branches, leaves, and pinecones. One of the other admins of the group held a couple of potluck BBQs, camping style. Now, we were hoping to gather for a day at the lake at the end of August, but due to natural circumstances of the water's state,sadly we could not. 

     I can't wait for these upcoming months, I much prefer the fall and winter. Bring on fall Potlucks, our fall mini sessions for our members' families with an outstanding photographer, food swaps, monthly games nights, trips to the corn maze, a farm, fort Edmonton park, Halloween parties, everything snow, and our big Christmas party,which has been organized by quite a number of generous and creative members. 

Here are the links for some of the ideas we used for the months of July and August, enjoy!

Fish painting

http://www.teachpreschool.org/2012/06/sponge-painted-fish/

Hot dog octopuses

http://mcj.researcher.at/

Crab croissants

http://www.chickabug.com/blog/2011/07/beach-party-food-ideas.html

Sea horse painting (we did not use shaving cream though to keep it little people friendly)

http://www.iheartcraftythings.com/2011/08/story-time-mister-seahorse-with.html

Little Readers June

Hello all!

Well here is the end of another month, and this month's Little Readers book club saw more participants and little faces. What fun! The month of June was all about animals, in every shape and size and colour. There were "field trips" to the Fort Edmonton Park to visit farm animals, toy play, imagination play, and crafts all devoted to learning about animals. So naturally, we focused our kiddo book on animals as well.

"Baby Bear, Baby Bear What Do You See", by Eric Carle/Bill Martin Jr., is a new adaptation of the classic "Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See". The difference? This cute new book published in 2010 focused on animals you would see in North America. So often when we read books there are pictures and images of exotic animals and other atypical species. We all know which animals these are, but in case you don't... Cats, dogs, chickens, cows, farm animals in general, lions, tigers, safari animals in general... And let's not forget our sea friends, either. In this book we see the faces of some classic North American animals, from baby bear himself to a flying squirrel, skunks, and mule deer! Speaking of Mule deer, when we first read the book in our house I read the page aloud and then our little man pointed and corrected me enthusiastically saying "Broken deer, broken deer!". The infamous drawings in the book are a cut and paste effect, so the deer does look broken... Just saying!

Baby Bear, Baby Bear, What Do You See? is one of several books from the "What Do You See" series by Bill Martin Jr. and Eric Carle.The repetitive text helps children work on prediction skills and also helps boost reading confidence. After hearing the story read aloud a few times, most children are able to chorus read the story and remember the repetitive line of text without difficulty subhana'Allaah. Children also seem to enjoy the artwork of Eric Carle.


If you haven't had a chance to pick up this book and read it aloud together, I cannot say it enough how much we have enjoyed it... Or how often I hear from other mommas and tots either! The library has a great stock of books to enjoy, or you can look for it at your local bookstore/online.


Here are a few activities you could do at home to expand off of this book:


http://www.brownbearandfriends.com/classroom/BabyBearClassroomGuide.pdf


http://typeaparent.com/educational-story-stretchers-for-baby-bear-baby-bear-what-do-you-see.html