November is Family Violence Awareness/Prevention Month. With women and children being the primary victims of family violence I want to share the information I have on the subject in the hopes that it can help someone who needs it. Many women that are in abusive relationships don't even know it or diminish the severity of the situation. They will justify their partners actions or question their own power.
I grew up in a very disfunctional family and know first hand the taught perception of abuse. That certain kinds of abuse aren't abuse. That it's NORMAL.
Unfortunately it is normal, TOO normal.
Family violence includes anything that is psychologically or physically harmful to any member of a family. Family violence or abuse occurs when there is a power imbalance. When a person sees their needs as more relevant or important than anothers. We have to be genuine equals. If we are to be equals we have to treat eachother as such and in order to do that we have to actually, wholleheartedly, believe that our partner IS our equal. It helps tremendously if the man sees women in general this way. Many times a man will promote equality and steam about the injustice to the women in society but at home, in his everyday life, he does not follow this mentality so it can be confusing for others to even understand there could be anything wrong, it could be hard for his partner to realize it.
For example, if a partner does not respect the degree of work his stay at home partner does, and belittles it. When a women is fearful of bringing up money issues because it will result in a fight. When a woman has sex, even when she doesn't want to, because the backlash of hearing "distant" "cold" "you must be getting it from somewhere else" are just more than she can deal with, these are all forms of mental, psychological and physical abuse. It can be very hard to identify abuse if you havn't learnt what to be aware of and so, many women stay in relationships that are unhealthy. They continue to question their rationality, will constantly try to do things that maybe will change things. Will think that if they did this differently than he will be happy. That if they just TRY HARD ENOUGH it will be better. They will think things like "there must be something wrong with me" "I Do nag him sometimes" "He does work hard he deserves a hot meal waiting for him" but she will feel like crap. She will be anxious, usually around him but sometimes just because of him. The effects of abuse are far reaching too. This effects everyday life for the people living with family violence. What do you think happenes to the stress a woman has from the abuse from her spouse? She can't argue or talk to him? The stress has to go somewhere and unfortunatly is that usually the children get the brunt, pets too. Children who witness or hear regular arguing and fighting tend to display learning problems and will continue the intergenerational abuse. Boys see that this is how they gain and maintain power. Girls witness their gender being at a lower status. Both will learn it's okay. Click here to learn more on effects of family violence on children.
If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow up, chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.
Family violence, like most aweful things are intergenerational. We can stop it but only once we are willing to address it and talk openly about it.
I am always available if anyone needs to talk. You can pm me on fb or email me at brandilaw81@gmail.com. I'm also available for text/call at 780 232 4173. I have some additional info on support groups if wanted as well.
I have added a few helpful/informational links below
Family Violence Prevention Month - Alberta Human Services - Government of Alberta
Helpful statistics
Author of some amazing books concerning this topic
Signs of Abuse
Problems associated with children witnessing domestic abuse
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